Monday, June 23, 2008

6/23/08 - Day Seven

Here I am on day seven. I am now on my last bag (24 hours) of AraC. That bag will finish out at 5 AM tomorrow morning. Hooray! That will complete my seven days of targeting poisoning, which effectively what chemo is. With the posioning comes the challenge of keeping everything in balance in my system. One day at a time.

My treatment has gone well. I feel well. Haven't been nauseated; no mouth sores, and overall feel pretty good. I did have a bit of a rough Friday evening and Saturday when I had a low grade fever. The hospital staff was all over that. I was back on the stationary bike yesterday morning feeling relatively chipper. I am now on a regimen of antibiotics.

I played some games yesterday with Gail, Amanda and Elliott. They didn't let me win! They are so competitive. I wonder where they got the competitiveness from? It is a joy to be humiliated in a game with those you love! ::> Speaking of humiliated, I also enjoyed watching the Cubs pound the Sox this last weekend. Sorry Sox fans!

I know I still have a rough road ahead over the next few weeks as my blood counts continue to drop. I know that God's grace and peace is with me. Several of you shared verses about God's grace through your emails. The book of I Peter has had special meaning to me over the last few days as I think about Peter who was with Jesus in the early days of his ministry and was a witness to Christ's sufferings. Peter saw the glory of Christ's coming kingdom and wanted to encourage us in our daily christian lives and duties. Specifically, I Peter 5:20 "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast". God sacrificed the ultimate with his son dying on the cross for our sins. I pray that each of you personally experience the grace of God in your lives.

As I enter into week #2, I thank you for your continuing encouragement. As I keep my focus on "this race", my next key milestone will be in about a week when they will perform a bone marrow biopsy to see how effective the treatment will have been. Please pray for a positive outcome.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Status 6/19/08

I was admitted into Northwestern Memorial Hospital on 6/16/08. Day 1 consisted of having to wait 4.5 hours in admissions before being assigned a bed. Get this. NWM just opened the Prentice Women's Center last October, which also houses 3 dedicated floors for cancer treatment and stem cell transplant center. The demand for beds is full. I finally got into an overflow room and was there for a day.

NWM hospital is a teaching hospital with excellent care. I get plenty of attention from the doctors, doctors in residency, nurses, technicians, etc. When I met the team of nine Tuesday morning, I couldn't help myself but to call a 2 minute business meeting with a discussion of key milestones and results expected. Those who have worked with me will find this to be no surprise. In fact, the rumor at my office is that there are bets as to when the hospital staff throw me out. My perspective is more focused on what will be needed on this turnaround and transformation project. Besides, they really enjoyed the meeting and I am being really nice to them. I make look stupid, but I am not dumb. The most important short term goal for all of the team is to have me feeling well and attending my daughter, Jackie's wedding in Wichita, KS on October 18, 2008. There are shorter term milestones like a party for Ed Thompson at Wrigley on July 13, 2008. Ed, that one is touch and go, but I will give it my best.

Monday afternoon consisted of who knows how many tests, x-rays, installation of a PICC line, lab work, etc to get ready for first induction of chemo. BTW, the PICC line is the equivalent of temporary port with a catheter inserted about 37 cm in through the vein. Once in, they draw all of the blood, induce the chemo, insert the medicines, etc., without having to constantly stick you with a needle. Great technology advancement.

Back to chemo, I finally had my first chemo treatment at 1 AM Tuesday morning. Naturally, that meant that the induction of DNR and a new bag of AraC happens 24 hours later, preceded with the medicine induction. That is why I haven't slept much. I simply have people in my room all hours of the night. I should also mention that my two bags of sodium biocarbonate being administered to hydrate me results in a run to the bathroom about once per hour. I have never peed so much in 24 hours in my life. I guess when they are inducting targeted poisons into my body and killing the leukemic cells, they want my kidneys to work really well and flow everything out. Aren't you glad I share details like this?

I have now completed the first 3 days of chemo. Maybe I will be able to get some sleep. I am on a regimen of 3 days of one drug labled daunorubicine ("DNR") and 7 days of a second drug labeled cytarabine ("AraC"). The induction of AraC occurs 24/7 in a slow drip form, while the induction of DNR is pushed in through a syringe inserted into the PICC line over a 15 - 20 minute time frame. I am now done with the DNR induction and will continue the AraC induction for another 4 days.

So far I feel very well. I have tried to stay busy with work stuff, telephone calls, reading, studying scripture, meditating and enjoying when my wife and daughters are able to visit. We occasionally get a few games in. I also have a great view of Lake Michigan from my new room. Hope they don't move me. I watch the boats come in and out of the harbor, watch softball games on the field below, and admire some of the condos. I pray for Jackie as I know that it bothers her that she is in Wichita and unable to visit me much. Her surprise visit last weekend was very special.

I am exercising on a stationary bike and trying to walk around and stay active and positive. My blood sugar is one area that has jumped due to the steroids the first three days. Please pray that my blood sugar gets more under control. My already borderline hypertensive state just went over the line with these drugs. They are using insulin temporarily to try and get it under control. They tell me not to worry about it. It is not easy. I have to remind myself of Psalm 59:16.

I will have another bone marrow biopsy in another 7 days and they will be able to tell whether the disease is visible or not. Please pray that the drugs are effective and do the job. That tells you how fast the drugs are supposed to kill off the leukemic cells in my bone marrow. Of course, by doing this, the drugs also kill off the good cells which means that I won't have much of an immune system in another 7 days. So all the symptoms of being anemic, feeling tired, achey, like I have the flu are ahead of me. The biggest risk is the risk of infection because of the low immune system. I can have visitors, but they will need to wear masks and gowns in another week.

Prayer requests:
1. For Gail and the girls; Prays specifically for Jackie as she is living in Wichita, KS
2 That I continue to feel relatively well
3. The anxiety level is high; I need help here
4. That God will continue use me as an inspiration to others here in the hospital. There are some really sick people here.


3.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

2008 - The Year of "Shock and Awe"

Let me just start out to describe how my 2008 began. My mother passed away on February 12, 2008, my aunt passed away two weeks later, I went into my doctor for a routine physical where through lab tests my blood indicated a high level of myeloblasts (leukemic cells), after two bone marrow biopsies I was diagnosed with "Evolving to AML", and am now being admitted to Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago today and will start an aggressive chemo treatment to get after this culprit. I can pretty much say I have experienced the "Shock" portion of "Shock and Awe". I guess I am waiting for the "Awe". I know that God will provide the "Awe". My study this morning included the scripture from Psalm 59:16: "But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble".

My Father's Day yesterday (and the whole weekend) was AWEsome. Jackie flew in on a surprise visit from Wichita, KS and Amanda, Jackie, Beth and Gail were all together with me through a good portion of the weekend. I may be biased, but I couldn't feel more blessed to have my whole family around this last weekend. I even missed some of the U.S. Open, how is that for making sure that I have my priorities in the right place. The house was chaotic and everything and I loved it. When you think you would like "quiet' in the house, think again. You might get what you wished for. As for me, the more chaotic the better. BTW, when was the last time that you told your children (and spouse) that you loved them? I have learned that if I don't do that daily, my day is just not right. I am proud to say that God has blessed me with a wife and children that make me proud.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The Last 8 Years

Given the life changing news received on September 16, 2000, I was facing the anxiety of what all this meant going forward. I can't tell you that I had a clear answer. Which was the crux of my dilemma. All I can tell you is that God made it clear to me that I needed to hand this problem over to Him. The problem was that I wasn't very good at "handing over" the reigns. But I did it.

For those of you who know me, I am a very focused and driven person. Just give me the destination or desired end point. Once I understand the destination, then I ("we") will figure out how to get there. Of course, the impact on people around me was to either help achieve that result or just stay out of the way. Afterall, that formula seemed to work successfully throughout my career, whether it be leading major changes and transformations of business or turnaround of companies in trouble.

During the period of 1998 - 2003, I had been commuting to other cities every week: CyberCash in Reston, VA; HostPro and Interland, in Boise, Id; Seattle, WA; Los Angeles, CA; and Atlanta, GA.; individual consulting projects in Denver, CO; Dallas, Ft. Worth, etc. It wasn't that I enjoyed living on a plane and out of a hotel or apartment away from my family, however, I did this so my family would actually be able to stay in one spot, Lake Forest, IL and enable my girls to attend Lake Forest schools through high school. At the same time, I knew that the stress of traveling and being away from my family during the week would take its toll. Early in 2003, I prayed that God would help me change my routine. The scripture verse in Proverbs 3: 5 - 6 was particularly important during this time, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straignt".

During the time I was traveling so much, my blood counts continued to decline. My white counts got as low as 1.7 compared to a normal range of 3.0 - 10.0 and my red counts dropped to 10.0 compared to a normal range of 12.0 - 18.0. These were not terribly bad numbers relatively speaking, however the trend was worrisome. I continued to feel fine during this whole time period, thus not feeling any symptoms that the doctors told me I would face. I continually prayed that God would somehow reverse the trend of the counts. I stopped all of the weekly commuting around country in late 2002 and focused my business and search for projects in the local Chicago area. Coincidentally (I have come to believe there is no such thing as a coincidence), my blood counts turned around and began to trend up into the normal range, where they have been since 2003. My Oncologist couldn't figure me out, but he would just say let's continue to monitor your counts. I simply told him that I wasn't worried and that God was in control.

He opened a door in September, 2003 when I decided to join Tatum CFO Partners and gave up (or at least mothball my own company, Ascend Group, Ltd.) my own consulting business. It was a month later that I met Lee Jones, CEO of Essential Group, Inc. (at that time known as AmericasDoctor) and eventually became the Executive Vice President and Chief Financial Officer of the Company, where I remain today. I struggled with this move initially, because I really liked the independence of my own consulting practice, yet God made it clear that the Company's needs and my specialty in skills was an excellent fit. Besides I also knew that the reduced travel schedule would reduce the stress in my life. Looking back, we have accomplished some incredible milestones and results with the company. However, my biggest joy is working with outstanding people and, specifically, working with an executive team that are christians. There is nothing like being able to take time out during the day and pray with regardless of whether it is a personal matter or a business matter. Lee, has been particularly inspirational and supportive in that aspect. Can you imagine? A CFO and CEO actually praying together during the course of the day. The shock of it all :>)

I look back and am blown away by God's consistent message and plan for me. Whether it be through small groups and weekly Bible study, fellowship with Christian business men and women, attending Bob Buford's Halftime seminar in Dallas, etc. BTW, I highly recommend that you at read Bob Buford's book entitled "Halftime". If possible, sign up and attend his seminar. It is an incredible personal and spiritual growth experience that basically gets you to focus on what is next in life that is significant to you. After having completed your first 2 quarters of life, what is your focus, strategy and commitment to "finishing out your life". What is your significance? Ever been through the exercise of writing what you would like your tombstone to say? Think about it.

et me for a minute wind back to September, 2007. I went in for my seminannual checkup (the frequency of doctor visits had reduced over the 8 years from every 2 months to every 6 months) with my oncologist for blood work and an overall checkup. My oncologist looked at me and shook his head and bascially said that given my counts, I was one of the 1% of MDS patients that may have cured themselves. I had gotten to the point where I believed MDS had been defeated. Little did I know that my appointment with him in March, 2008 was to lead to a CT Scan and a bone marrow biopsy. That evening I read a scripture verse from Psalms 51:12 "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me". I would learn months later why that scripture was so important.

So you might ask, what is the point of "The Last 8 Years? No matter where you are in your journey, NEVER get complacent. My advice to you is to truly live each day as if it is your last. Demonstrate love to your spouse, your children, your friends. There are so many precious things that we miss in our busy lives. Step back and take a breath. Write down 2 -3 things every day that are meaningful to you. Those bad moments and days suddenly aren't so bad any more. God was preparing me for what I as to face in 2008.