I weathered the Chemo well this week and feel good. I am being released today and will go home as my blood counts drop to low levels over the next 7 - 10 days. So I will need to be careful about exposure to infections. My plan is to work primarily from home and wash my hands a lot. Given my counts will drop, I will most likely need to do some outpatient blood and platelet transfusions. After the next couple of weeks, my counts should beging to come up nicely and I should be in good shape by the October 18 wedding in Wichita.
Thanks again for all of your prayers, comments, and suggestions about improving my driving skills given the SL500 bumper incident. God Bless all of you.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
I'm Back 9-8-08 In the Hospital that is
I am back in the hospital, but this is actually a good thing. Part of my chemo treatment envisioned a few rounds of "consolidation" treatment for a week at a time in the hospital. Praise the Lord that I have had three bone marrow biopsies and all show that my bone marrow is clean and no leukemic cells can be seen. This is a very good thing.
For the three weeks that I have been out of the hospital, I have felt great. My blood counts have climbed up into the normal range, I have spent the last couple of weeks in the office, caught up little lost time by driving my fleet of cars, and even managed to rip my front bumper on a parking curb on my SL500 baby (Mercedes). At first I whined a lot ($2800) to replace and paint a bumper!? But then my daughter Amanda reminded me that it is only a car. True! However, the younger female generation just does not understand the male mindset of my generation as to what cars, in particular, our special cars mean in our lives.
The consolidation or "clean up" round of chemo this week is intended to go after any leukemic stem cells that "may be hiding in the weeds". My treatment this week will consist of six infusions of Cytarabine "AraC", of which two will be administered on Monday, Wednesday and Friday each. The expectation, barring no complications (please pray for that), that I will be released either late Friday or on Saturday. I would then recuperate at home as my blood counts go down over the following several weeks (the predicted nadir is 7 - 10 days). So I will neutropenic, which means I won't really have an immune system again and will most likely have outpatient blood and platelet transfusions. But I will be home! I don't plan to attend any social gatherings and will probably do my work from home for the following several weeks just to mitigate any risks related to infections. I do plan to build my counts up within 3-4 weeks and be totally fit as a fiddle ready to walk Jackie down the aisle on October 18 at her wedding.
I feel great and continue to stay busy with my work, workouts, reading and sundry other things regardless of whether I am in the hospital, at home, or at work. God is so good when we totally look to him.
I continue to thank many of you for staying in touch and for all of your thoughts and prayers. May the grace of God and the peace that he gives all who know him personally be an encouragement to your own lives and whatever trials that you may be experiencing. Our pastor a couple of weeks ago gave a sermon with regard to all of us at some time in our life experiencing a (several) crisis. The take home message is "to never waste a crisis". God has something planned for each of you if you allow him to work through you.
For the three weeks that I have been out of the hospital, I have felt great. My blood counts have climbed up into the normal range, I have spent the last couple of weeks in the office, caught up little lost time by driving my fleet of cars, and even managed to rip my front bumper on a parking curb on my SL500 baby (Mercedes). At first I whined a lot ($2800) to replace and paint a bumper!? But then my daughter Amanda reminded me that it is only a car. True! However, the younger female generation just does not understand the male mindset of my generation as to what cars, in particular, our special cars mean in our lives.
The consolidation or "clean up" round of chemo this week is intended to go after any leukemic stem cells that "may be hiding in the weeds". My treatment this week will consist of six infusions of Cytarabine "AraC", of which two will be administered on Monday, Wednesday and Friday each. The expectation, barring no complications (please pray for that), that I will be released either late Friday or on Saturday. I would then recuperate at home as my blood counts go down over the following several weeks (the predicted nadir is 7 - 10 days). So I will neutropenic, which means I won't really have an immune system again and will most likely have outpatient blood and platelet transfusions. But I will be home! I don't plan to attend any social gatherings and will probably do my work from home for the following several weeks just to mitigate any risks related to infections. I do plan to build my counts up within 3-4 weeks and be totally fit as a fiddle ready to walk Jackie down the aisle on October 18 at her wedding.
I feel great and continue to stay busy with my work, workouts, reading and sundry other things regardless of whether I am in the hospital, at home, or at work. God is so good when we totally look to him.
I continue to thank many of you for staying in touch and for all of your thoughts and prayers. May the grace of God and the peace that he gives all who know him personally be an encouragement to your own lives and whatever trials that you may be experiencing. Our pastor a couple of weeks ago gave a sermon with regard to all of us at some time in our life experiencing a (several) crisis. The take home message is "to never waste a crisis". God has something planned for each of you if you allow him to work through you.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Day 60 - 8-15-08 I'm Going Home!
I'm going home today everyone. Not much more to tell you than that. I will continue to update the Blog and keep you informed as to how I am doing. As for right now, thank you for all of your prayers, thoughts, emails, text messages, phone calls, and other support.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Day 58 8-13-08 Getting Close
This will be a short post to let you know that my blood counts are beginning to come up nicely. Am still dealing with a rash (side effect of medication). I am no longer on any infusion bags and remaining antibiotics being administered through pills. I had a platelet transfusion yesterday and today. Pray that the platelets will begin to rise on their own. Getting close to going home.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Day 49 - 8-4-08 To God Be the Glory
Well, hi folks! I have not been very diligent about keeping my Blog up to date lately. But I figured that you were probably not interested in my fevers, rashes, and gastrointestinal issues.
We received some good news today. Psalm 37: 7 : "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;"The results of the bone marrow biopsy done on Friday have revealed that my bone marrow is "Clean". This means that there were no residual leukemic cells identified in the sample. This is extremely good news. It doesn't mean that I am in remission or free of cancer, but it does mean that whatever little cells are left in the bone marrow. none of them are the "Bad Guys". We will just see how the white cells grow back. I don't know what else to say other than giving thanks to the Lord and to all of you with your prayers and thoughts.
I know that those of you who have visited me are impressed with my hospital room, the view of the lake and the technology that I continue do some work. Right now, we are getting a down right nasty Chicago thunder storm and I am watching lightening bolts skip across the city. Put all of that aside it is day 49. How many of you think that you might have some challenges believing in Psalm 37:7. It has been difficult, but I knew God was in full control.
With this news, it is simply another waiting game to rebuild my cells and make sure none of those bad guys reappear. I am hoping that I get released somewhere around day 60.
I continue to battle some of the side effects of all the medication not to mention the lingering effect from the chemo (BTW my chemo dosage was 10X compared to the first round. I think they were just warming me up in the first round and then hit me with the nuclear dosage in the second round.
God Bless All of You. Send me a note when you get a chance.
We received some good news today. Psalm 37: 7 : "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;"The results of the bone marrow biopsy done on Friday have revealed that my bone marrow is "Clean". This means that there were no residual leukemic cells identified in the sample. This is extremely good news. It doesn't mean that I am in remission or free of cancer, but it does mean that whatever little cells are left in the bone marrow. none of them are the "Bad Guys". We will just see how the white cells grow back. I don't know what else to say other than giving thanks to the Lord and to all of you with your prayers and thoughts.
I know that those of you who have visited me are impressed with my hospital room, the view of the lake and the technology that I continue do some work. Right now, we are getting a down right nasty Chicago thunder storm and I am watching lightening bolts skip across the city. Put all of that aside it is day 49. How many of you think that you might have some challenges believing in Psalm 37:7. It has been difficult, but I knew God was in full control.
With this news, it is simply another waiting game to rebuild my cells and make sure none of those bad guys reappear. I am hoping that I get released somewhere around day 60.
I continue to battle some of the side effects of all the medication not to mention the lingering effect from the chemo (BTW my chemo dosage was 10X compared to the first round. I think they were just warming me up in the first round and then hit me with the nuclear dosage in the second round.
God Bless All of You. Send me a note when you get a chance.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Day 35 - 7/21/08
Hi Folks:
Well, the eight days of fever is behind me and I am feeling much better. I am now into my fifth day of chemo of the second cycle. So far so good. Of course, there will be the lag effect on my counts and potential fever again. I am just taking it one day at a time.
This round of chemo includes a new investigational drug designed to breakdown the "inhibitor" molecules which maintain the high resistance of the leukemic blast cells ("the bad guys"). So as ironic as it is that my business is about helping pharma and biotech companies conduct clinical trials, I am now participating in one. The idea of this new drug is to break down the resistance of the Bad Guys to open it up for the two chemo drugs to kill them off.
Please pray that this second round of chemo will do the job and enable me to get out of this place. The reality is that I am still facing another three weeks in here, so I am just trying to take it "One Day At A Time".
I look forward to the day I can go home. God Bless.
Well, the eight days of fever is behind me and I am feeling much better. I am now into my fifth day of chemo of the second cycle. So far so good. Of course, there will be the lag effect on my counts and potential fever again. I am just taking it one day at a time.
This round of chemo includes a new investigational drug designed to breakdown the "inhibitor" molecules which maintain the high resistance of the leukemic blast cells ("the bad guys"). So as ironic as it is that my business is about helping pharma and biotech companies conduct clinical trials, I am now participating in one. The idea of this new drug is to break down the resistance of the Bad Guys to open it up for the two chemo drugs to kill them off.
Please pray that this second round of chemo will do the job and enable me to get out of this place. The reality is that I am still facing another three weeks in here, so I am just trying to take it "One Day At A Time".
I look forward to the day I can go home. God Bless.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
I Have to Believe
I haven't written anything in a while because quite honestly, I haven't felt like it. I've been in somewhat of a holding pattern for the past 8-10 days because of an ongoing fever. I'm living one day at a time and trying to remember that God is in control.
Here is a song that Jackie sent me. I hope you are encouraged as I was when she first sent it to me: I Have to Believe
I'm starting a new round of chemo tonight. I will give a better update to you soon. Thank you for all of your prayers.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
7/3/08 - Day Seventeen
The journey continues with its highs and lows. Thank you for all of your prayers and support. I continue to feel well with minimal side effects of the chemo treatment. I have had a low grade fever over the last couple of days and the team is still trying to determine the source of infection. In the meantime, they are pumping me full of antibiotics. And of course, my blood counts are at rock bottom, which is actually a good thing. The chemo isn't doing the job unless all cells are killed as it doesn't distinguish between the good cells and the leukemic (blast) cells. Basically, I have no immune system (white cells and neutrophils) and therefore am at risk of infection. My platelets are very low. Platelets enable the blood to clot, which means mine doesn't at this stage. Any shot I get or minor bump turns into a bruise. I have received 5 units of platelet transfusions so far and will continue to receive additional transfusions until my platelets begin to build. So it goes without saying, I am not using a straight edge to shave. I also have put one of my hobbies aside for the time being; that being playing with and sharpening knives. :>)
In case you missed it, the above paragraph covered some of the highs at this point of the journey. Yesterday, was a bit disheartening as I learned that my bone marrow biopsy showed some residual leukemic cells in my white counts. The physician team wants to do another bone marrow biopsy on Monday and get a clearer picture of exactly what exists and what therapy we should move to. Most likely, I will begin a second cycle of my previous chemo treatment with DNR and AraC to get after those remaining nasty leukemic cells. The prognosis is that the doctors are not surprised and are confident that a second cycle will "nail" the residual blast cells. What this does mean is that my stay at Northwestern Memorial Hospital will be extended an additional 3 - 4 weeks (ugh!). This is a tough one for me as I was already going "stir crazy".
I think I mentioned before that I have been studying Psalms. I think I can relate to David. Many times our timing for answers to prayers and God's timing are very different, not to mention the outcome. Like David, I found myself really down yesterday including going through the "why me" and "anger" stages. Yet through God's grace, he actually reminded me yesterday to continue to believe and have faith.
Here is the story: I was going through my work emails yesterday, which included an email from one of the managers in the company. We exchange emails on occasion with the subject being sports, sports teams and athletes. In this case, Tom sent me an email telling me that he met Tim Brown yesterday and Tim autographed his Notre Dame football. Now for those who don't recognize Tim Brown's name, he was the Heisman Trophy winner in 1987 and went on to play for the Oakland Raiders for a number of years. Anyway, Tom attached a jpg picture to the email of his ND football autographed by TB. When I opened the picture, sure enough I saw TB's autograph and his reference to winning the Heisman in '87. There was one additional item that TB had written on the football and that was a reference to "Psalm 37". If you are interested, go read Psalm 37. It deals with themes of fretting, having patience, anger,etc which I definitely experienced yesterday. For example verse 7 reads "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him...."; verse 8 "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath..."; verse 30 "The mouth of the rightwous man utters wisdom and his tongue speaks what is just"; verse 34 "Wait for the Lord and keep his way"; verse 39 "The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord; he is their stronghold in time of trouble". This email "out of the blue" had a huge calming effect on me yesterday. Some people may call this a coincidence. I call it an example of how God sends us messages to keep our faith. I am so thankful for his grace and his desire to sustain those who believe in him. The biggest challenge is accepting that sometimes are desires are not necessarily his desires.
I continue to experience incredible support from numerous people. Please continue to pray for my physical and mental state through this journey. Your prayers for Gail, Amanda, Jackie, and Beth are also appreciated. I have had some "rich" time with each of them through visits, phone calls, emails and text messages.
One Day At A Time!
In case you missed it, the above paragraph covered some of the highs at this point of the journey. Yesterday, was a bit disheartening as I learned that my bone marrow biopsy showed some residual leukemic cells in my white counts. The physician team wants to do another bone marrow biopsy on Monday and get a clearer picture of exactly what exists and what therapy we should move to. Most likely, I will begin a second cycle of my previous chemo treatment with DNR and AraC to get after those remaining nasty leukemic cells. The prognosis is that the doctors are not surprised and are confident that a second cycle will "nail" the residual blast cells. What this does mean is that my stay at Northwestern Memorial Hospital will be extended an additional 3 - 4 weeks (ugh!). This is a tough one for me as I was already going "stir crazy".
I think I mentioned before that I have been studying Psalms. I think I can relate to David. Many times our timing for answers to prayers and God's timing are very different, not to mention the outcome. Like David, I found myself really down yesterday including going through the "why me" and "anger" stages. Yet through God's grace, he actually reminded me yesterday to continue to believe and have faith.
Here is the story: I was going through my work emails yesterday, which included an email from one of the managers in the company. We exchange emails on occasion with the subject being sports, sports teams and athletes. In this case, Tom sent me an email telling me that he met Tim Brown yesterday and Tim autographed his Notre Dame football. Now for those who don't recognize Tim Brown's name, he was the Heisman Trophy winner in 1987 and went on to play for the Oakland Raiders for a number of years. Anyway, Tom attached a jpg picture to the email of his ND football autographed by TB. When I opened the picture, sure enough I saw TB's autograph and his reference to winning the Heisman in '87. There was one additional item that TB had written on the football and that was a reference to "Psalm 37". If you are interested, go read Psalm 37. It deals with themes of fretting, having patience, anger,etc which I definitely experienced yesterday. For example verse 7 reads "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him...."; verse 8 "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath..."; verse 30 "The mouth of the rightwous man utters wisdom and his tongue speaks what is just"; verse 34 "Wait for the Lord and keep his way"; verse 39 "The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord; he is their stronghold in time of trouble". This email "out of the blue" had a huge calming effect on me yesterday. Some people may call this a coincidence. I call it an example of how God sends us messages to keep our faith. I am so thankful for his grace and his desire to sustain those who believe in him. The biggest challenge is accepting that sometimes are desires are not necessarily his desires.
I continue to experience incredible support from numerous people. Please continue to pray for my physical and mental state through this journey. Your prayers for Gail, Amanda, Jackie, and Beth are also appreciated. I have had some "rich" time with each of them through visits, phone calls, emails and text messages.
One Day At A Time!
Monday, June 23, 2008
6/23/08 - Day Seven
Here I am on day seven. I am now on my last bag (24 hours) of AraC. That bag will finish out at 5 AM tomorrow morning. Hooray! That will complete my seven days of targeting poisoning, which effectively what chemo is. With the posioning comes the challenge of keeping everything in balance in my system. One day at a time.
My treatment has gone well. I feel well. Haven't been nauseated; no mouth sores, and overall feel pretty good. I did have a bit of a rough Friday evening and Saturday when I had a low grade fever. The hospital staff was all over that. I was back on the stationary bike yesterday morning feeling relatively chipper. I am now on a regimen of antibiotics.
I played some games yesterday with Gail, Amanda and Elliott. They didn't let me win! They are so competitive. I wonder where they got the competitiveness from? It is a joy to be humiliated in a game with those you love! ::> Speaking of humiliated, I also enjoyed watching the Cubs pound the Sox this last weekend. Sorry Sox fans!
I know I still have a rough road ahead over the next few weeks as my blood counts continue to drop. I know that God's grace and peace is with me. Several of you shared verses about God's grace through your emails. The book of I Peter has had special meaning to me over the last few days as I think about Peter who was with Jesus in the early days of his ministry and was a witness to Christ's sufferings. Peter saw the glory of Christ's coming kingdom and wanted to encourage us in our daily christian lives and duties. Specifically, I Peter 5:20 "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast". God sacrificed the ultimate with his son dying on the cross for our sins. I pray that each of you personally experience the grace of God in your lives.
As I enter into week #2, I thank you for your continuing encouragement. As I keep my focus on "this race", my next key milestone will be in about a week when they will perform a bone marrow biopsy to see how effective the treatment will have been. Please pray for a positive outcome.
My treatment has gone well. I feel well. Haven't been nauseated; no mouth sores, and overall feel pretty good. I did have a bit of a rough Friday evening and Saturday when I had a low grade fever. The hospital staff was all over that. I was back on the stationary bike yesterday morning feeling relatively chipper. I am now on a regimen of antibiotics.
I played some games yesterday with Gail, Amanda and Elliott. They didn't let me win! They are so competitive. I wonder where they got the competitiveness from? It is a joy to be humiliated in a game with those you love! ::> Speaking of humiliated, I also enjoyed watching the Cubs pound the Sox this last weekend. Sorry Sox fans!
I know I still have a rough road ahead over the next few weeks as my blood counts continue to drop. I know that God's grace and peace is with me. Several of you shared verses about God's grace through your emails. The book of I Peter has had special meaning to me over the last few days as I think about Peter who was with Jesus in the early days of his ministry and was a witness to Christ's sufferings. Peter saw the glory of Christ's coming kingdom and wanted to encourage us in our daily christian lives and duties. Specifically, I Peter 5:20 "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast". God sacrificed the ultimate with his son dying on the cross for our sins. I pray that each of you personally experience the grace of God in your lives.
As I enter into week #2, I thank you for your continuing encouragement. As I keep my focus on "this race", my next key milestone will be in about a week when they will perform a bone marrow biopsy to see how effective the treatment will have been. Please pray for a positive outcome.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Status 6/19/08
I was admitted into Northwestern Memorial Hospital on 6/16/08. Day 1 consisted of having to wait 4.5 hours in admissions before being assigned a bed. Get this. NWM just opened the Prentice Women's Center last October, which also houses 3 dedicated floors for cancer treatment and stem cell transplant center. The demand for beds is full. I finally got into an overflow room and was there for a day.
NWM hospital is a teaching hospital with excellent care. I get plenty of attention from the doctors, doctors in residency, nurses, technicians, etc. When I met the team of nine Tuesday morning, I couldn't help myself but to call a 2 minute business meeting with a discussion of key milestones and results expected. Those who have worked with me will find this to be no surprise. In fact, the rumor at my office is that there are bets as to when the hospital staff throw me out. My perspective is more focused on what will be needed on this turnaround and transformation project. Besides, they really enjoyed the meeting and I am being really nice to them. I make look stupid, but I am not dumb. The most important short term goal for all of the team is to have me feeling well and attending my daughter, Jackie's wedding in Wichita, KS on October 18, 2008. There are shorter term milestones like a party for Ed Thompson at Wrigley on July 13, 2008. Ed, that one is touch and go, but I will give it my best.
Monday afternoon consisted of who knows how many tests, x-rays, installation of a PICC line, lab work, etc to get ready for first induction of chemo. BTW, the PICC line is the equivalent of temporary port with a catheter inserted about 37 cm in through the vein. Once in, they draw all of the blood, induce the chemo, insert the medicines, etc., without having to constantly stick you with a needle. Great technology advancement.
Back to chemo, I finally had my first chemo treatment at 1 AM Tuesday morning. Naturally, that meant that the induction of DNR and a new bag of AraC happens 24 hours later, preceded with the medicine induction. That is why I haven't slept much. I simply have people in my room all hours of the night. I should also mention that my two bags of sodium biocarbonate being administered to hydrate me results in a run to the bathroom about once per hour. I have never peed so much in 24 hours in my life. I guess when they are inducting targeted poisons into my body and killing the leukemic cells, they want my kidneys to work really well and flow everything out. Aren't you glad I share details like this?
I have now completed the first 3 days of chemo. Maybe I will be able to get some sleep. I am on a regimen of 3 days of one drug labled daunorubicine ("DNR") and 7 days of a second drug labeled cytarabine ("AraC"). The induction of AraC occurs 24/7 in a slow drip form, while the induction of DNR is pushed in through a syringe inserted into the PICC line over a 15 - 20 minute time frame. I am now done with the DNR induction and will continue the AraC induction for another 4 days.
So far I feel very well. I have tried to stay busy with work stuff, telephone calls, reading, studying scripture, meditating and enjoying when my wife and daughters are able to visit. We occasionally get a few games in. I also have a great view of Lake Michigan from my new room. Hope they don't move me. I watch the boats come in and out of the harbor, watch softball games on the field below, and admire some of the condos. I pray for Jackie as I know that it bothers her that she is in Wichita and unable to visit me much. Her surprise visit last weekend was very special.
I am exercising on a stationary bike and trying to walk around and stay active and positive. My blood sugar is one area that has jumped due to the steroids the first three days. Please pray that my blood sugar gets more under control. My already borderline hypertensive state just went over the line with these drugs. They are using insulin temporarily to try and get it under control. They tell me not to worry about it. It is not easy. I have to remind myself of Psalm 59:16.
I will have another bone marrow biopsy in another 7 days and they will be able to tell whether the disease is visible or not. Please pray that the drugs are effective and do the job. That tells you how fast the drugs are supposed to kill off the leukemic cells in my bone marrow. Of course, by doing this, the drugs also kill off the good cells which means that I won't have much of an immune system in another 7 days. So all the symptoms of being anemic, feeling tired, achey, like I have the flu are ahead of me. The biggest risk is the risk of infection because of the low immune system. I can have visitors, but they will need to wear masks and gowns in another week.
Prayer requests:
1. For Gail and the girls; Prays specifically for Jackie as she is living in Wichita, KS
2 That I continue to feel relatively well
3. The anxiety level is high; I need help here
4. That God will continue use me as an inspiration to others here in the hospital. There are some really sick people here.
3.
NWM hospital is a teaching hospital with excellent care. I get plenty of attention from the doctors, doctors in residency, nurses, technicians, etc. When I met the team of nine Tuesday morning, I couldn't help myself but to call a 2 minute business meeting with a discussion of key milestones and results expected. Those who have worked with me will find this to be no surprise. In fact, the rumor at my office is that there are bets as to when the hospital staff throw me out. My perspective is more focused on what will be needed on this turnaround and transformation project. Besides, they really enjoyed the meeting and I am being really nice to them. I make look stupid, but I am not dumb. The most important short term goal for all of the team is to have me feeling well and attending my daughter, Jackie's wedding in Wichita, KS on October 18, 2008. There are shorter term milestones like a party for Ed Thompson at Wrigley on July 13, 2008. Ed, that one is touch and go, but I will give it my best.
Monday afternoon consisted of who knows how many tests, x-rays, installation of a PICC line, lab work, etc to get ready for first induction of chemo. BTW, the PICC line is the equivalent of temporary port with a catheter inserted about 37 cm in through the vein. Once in, they draw all of the blood, induce the chemo, insert the medicines, etc., without having to constantly stick you with a needle. Great technology advancement.
Back to chemo, I finally had my first chemo treatment at 1 AM Tuesday morning. Naturally, that meant that the induction of DNR and a new bag of AraC happens 24 hours later, preceded with the medicine induction. That is why I haven't slept much. I simply have people in my room all hours of the night. I should also mention that my two bags of sodium biocarbonate being administered to hydrate me results in a run to the bathroom about once per hour. I have never peed so much in 24 hours in my life. I guess when they are inducting targeted poisons into my body and killing the leukemic cells, they want my kidneys to work really well and flow everything out. Aren't you glad I share details like this?
I have now completed the first 3 days of chemo. Maybe I will be able to get some sleep. I am on a regimen of 3 days of one drug labled daunorubicine ("DNR") and 7 days of a second drug labeled cytarabine ("AraC"). The induction of AraC occurs 24/7 in a slow drip form, while the induction of DNR is pushed in through a syringe inserted into the PICC line over a 15 - 20 minute time frame. I am now done with the DNR induction and will continue the AraC induction for another 4 days.
So far I feel very well. I have tried to stay busy with work stuff, telephone calls, reading, studying scripture, meditating and enjoying when my wife and daughters are able to visit. We occasionally get a few games in. I also have a great view of Lake Michigan from my new room. Hope they don't move me. I watch the boats come in and out of the harbor, watch softball games on the field below, and admire some of the condos. I pray for Jackie as I know that it bothers her that she is in Wichita and unable to visit me much. Her surprise visit last weekend was very special.
I am exercising on a stationary bike and trying to walk around and stay active and positive. My blood sugar is one area that has jumped due to the steroids the first three days. Please pray that my blood sugar gets more under control. My already borderline hypertensive state just went over the line with these drugs. They are using insulin temporarily to try and get it under control. They tell me not to worry about it. It is not easy. I have to remind myself of Psalm 59:16.
I will have another bone marrow biopsy in another 7 days and they will be able to tell whether the disease is visible or not. Please pray that the drugs are effective and do the job. That tells you how fast the drugs are supposed to kill off the leukemic cells in my bone marrow. Of course, by doing this, the drugs also kill off the good cells which means that I won't have much of an immune system in another 7 days. So all the symptoms of being anemic, feeling tired, achey, like I have the flu are ahead of me. The biggest risk is the risk of infection because of the low immune system. I can have visitors, but they will need to wear masks and gowns in another week.
Prayer requests:
1. For Gail and the girls; Prays specifically for Jackie as she is living in Wichita, KS
2 That I continue to feel relatively well
3. The anxiety level is high; I need help here
4. That God will continue use me as an inspiration to others here in the hospital. There are some really sick people here.
3.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
2008 - The Year of "Shock and Awe"
Let me just start out to describe how my 2008 began. My mother passed away on February 12, 2008, my aunt passed away two weeks later, I went into my doctor for a routine physical where through lab tests my blood indicated a high level of myeloblasts (leukemic cells), after two bone marrow biopsies I was diagnosed with "Evolving to AML", and am now being admitted to Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago today and will start an aggressive chemo treatment to get after this culprit. I can pretty much say I have experienced the "Shock" portion of "Shock and Awe". I guess I am waiting for the "Awe". I know that God will provide the "Awe". My study this morning included the scripture from Psalm 59:16: "But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble".
My Father's Day yesterday (and the whole weekend) was AWEsome. Jackie flew in on a surprise visit from Wichita, KS and Amanda, Jackie, Beth and Gail were all together with me through a good portion of the weekend. I may be biased, but I couldn't feel more blessed to have my whole family around this last weekend. I even missed some of the U.S. Open, how is that for making sure that I have my priorities in the right place. The house was chaotic and everything and I loved it. When you think you would like "quiet' in the house, think again. You might get what you wished for. As for me, the more chaotic the better. BTW, when was the last time that you told your children (and spouse) that you loved them? I have learned that if I don't do that daily, my day is just not right. I am proud to say that God has blessed me with a wife and children that make me proud.
My Father's Day yesterday (and the whole weekend) was AWEsome. Jackie flew in on a surprise visit from Wichita, KS and Amanda, Jackie, Beth and Gail were all together with me through a good portion of the weekend. I may be biased, but I couldn't feel more blessed to have my whole family around this last weekend. I even missed some of the U.S. Open, how is that for making sure that I have my priorities in the right place. The house was chaotic and everything and I loved it. When you think you would like "quiet' in the house, think again. You might get what you wished for. As for me, the more chaotic the better. BTW, when was the last time that you told your children (and spouse) that you loved them? I have learned that if I don't do that daily, my day is just not right. I am proud to say that God has blessed me with a wife and children that make me proud.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
The Last 8 Years
Given the life changing news received on September 16, 2000, I was facing the anxiety of what all this meant going forward. I can't tell you that I had a clear answer. Which was the crux of my dilemma. All I can tell you is that God made it clear to me that I needed to hand this problem over to Him. The problem was that I wasn't very good at "handing over" the reigns. But I did it.
For those of you who know me, I am a very focused and driven person. Just give me the destination or desired end point. Once I understand the destination, then I ("we") will figure out how to get there. Of course, the impact on people around me was to either help achieve that result or just stay out of the way. Afterall, that formula seemed to work successfully throughout my career, whether it be leading major changes and transformations of business or turnaround of companies in trouble.
During the period of 1998 - 2003, I had been commuting to other cities every week: CyberCash in Reston, VA; HostPro and Interland, in Boise, Id; Seattle, WA; Los Angeles, CA; and Atlanta, GA.; individual consulting projects in Denver, CO; Dallas, Ft. Worth, etc. It wasn't that I enjoyed living on a plane and out of a hotel or apartment away from my family, however, I did this so my family would actually be able to stay in one spot, Lake Forest, IL and enable my girls to attend Lake Forest schools through high school. At the same time, I knew that the stress of traveling and being away from my family during the week would take its toll. Early in 2003, I prayed that God would help me change my routine. The scripture verse in Proverbs 3: 5 - 6 was particularly important during this time, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straignt".
During the time I was traveling so much, my blood counts continued to decline. My white counts got as low as 1.7 compared to a normal range of 3.0 - 10.0 and my red counts dropped to 10.0 compared to a normal range of 12.0 - 18.0. These were not terribly bad numbers relatively speaking, however the trend was worrisome. I continued to feel fine during this whole time period, thus not feeling any symptoms that the doctors told me I would face. I continually prayed that God would somehow reverse the trend of the counts. I stopped all of the weekly commuting around country in late 2002 and focused my business and search for projects in the local Chicago area. Coincidentally (I have come to believe there is no such thing as a coincidence), my blood counts turned around and began to trend up into the normal range, where they have been since 2003. My Oncologist couldn't figure me out, but he would just say let's continue to monitor your counts. I simply told him that I wasn't worried and that God was in control.
He opened a door in September, 2003 when I decided to join Tatum CFO Partners and gave up (or at least mothball my own company, Ascend Group, Ltd.) my own consulting business. It was a month later that I met Lee Jones, CEO of Essential Group, Inc. (at that time known as AmericasDoctor) and eventually became the Executive Vice President and Chief Financial Officer of the Company, where I remain today. I struggled with this move initially, because I really liked the independence of my own consulting practice, yet God made it clear that the Company's needs and my specialty in skills was an excellent fit. Besides I also knew that the reduced travel schedule would reduce the stress in my life. Looking back, we have accomplished some incredible milestones and results with the company. However, my biggest joy is working with outstanding people and, specifically, working with an executive team that are christians. There is nothing like being able to take time out during the day and pray with regardless of whether it is a personal matter or a business matter. Lee, has been particularly inspirational and supportive in that aspect. Can you imagine? A CFO and CEO actually praying together during the course of the day. The shock of it all :>)
For those of you who know me, I am a very focused and driven person. Just give me the destination or desired end point. Once I understand the destination, then I ("we") will figure out how to get there. Of course, the impact on people around me was to either help achieve that result or just stay out of the way. Afterall, that formula seemed to work successfully throughout my career, whether it be leading major changes and transformations of business or turnaround of companies in trouble.
During the period of 1998 - 2003, I had been commuting to other cities every week: CyberCash in Reston, VA; HostPro and Interland, in Boise, Id; Seattle, WA; Los Angeles, CA; and Atlanta, GA.; individual consulting projects in Denver, CO; Dallas, Ft. Worth, etc. It wasn't that I enjoyed living on a plane and out of a hotel or apartment away from my family, however, I did this so my family would actually be able to stay in one spot, Lake Forest, IL and enable my girls to attend Lake Forest schools through high school. At the same time, I knew that the stress of traveling and being away from my family during the week would take its toll. Early in 2003, I prayed that God would help me change my routine. The scripture verse in Proverbs 3: 5 - 6 was particularly important during this time, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straignt".
During the time I was traveling so much, my blood counts continued to decline. My white counts got as low as 1.7 compared to a normal range of 3.0 - 10.0 and my red counts dropped to 10.0 compared to a normal range of 12.0 - 18.0. These were not terribly bad numbers relatively speaking, however the trend was worrisome. I continued to feel fine during this whole time period, thus not feeling any symptoms that the doctors told me I would face. I continually prayed that God would somehow reverse the trend of the counts. I stopped all of the weekly commuting around country in late 2002 and focused my business and search for projects in the local Chicago area. Coincidentally (I have come to believe there is no such thing as a coincidence), my blood counts turned around and began to trend up into the normal range, where they have been since 2003. My Oncologist couldn't figure me out, but he would just say let's continue to monitor your counts. I simply told him that I wasn't worried and that God was in control.
He opened a door in September, 2003 when I decided to join Tatum CFO Partners and gave up (or at least mothball my own company, Ascend Group, Ltd.) my own consulting business. It was a month later that I met Lee Jones, CEO of Essential Group, Inc. (at that time known as AmericasDoctor) and eventually became the Executive Vice President and Chief Financial Officer of the Company, where I remain today. I struggled with this move initially, because I really liked the independence of my own consulting practice, yet God made it clear that the Company's needs and my specialty in skills was an excellent fit. Besides I also knew that the reduced travel schedule would reduce the stress in my life. Looking back, we have accomplished some incredible milestones and results with the company. However, my biggest joy is working with outstanding people and, specifically, working with an executive team that are christians. There is nothing like being able to take time out during the day and pray with regardless of whether it is a personal matter or a business matter. Lee, has been particularly inspirational and supportive in that aspect. Can you imagine? A CFO and CEO actually praying together during the course of the day. The shock of it all :>)
I look back and am blown away by God's consistent message and plan for me. Whether it be through small groups and weekly Bible study, fellowship with Christian business men and women, attending Bob Buford's Halftime seminar in Dallas, etc. BTW, I highly recommend that you at read Bob Buford's book entitled "Halftime". If possible, sign up and attend his seminar. It is an incredible personal and spiritual growth experience that basically gets you to focus on what is next in life that is significant to you. After having completed your first 2 quarters of life, what is your focus, strategy and commitment to "finishing out your life". What is your significance? Ever been through the exercise of writing what you would like your tombstone to say? Think about it.
et me for a minute wind back to September, 2007. I went in for my seminannual checkup (the frequency of doctor visits had reduced over the 8 years from every 2 months to every 6 months) with my oncologist for blood work and an overall checkup. My oncologist looked at me and shook his head and bascially said that given my counts, I was one of the 1% of MDS patients that may have cured themselves. I had gotten to the point where I believed MDS had been defeated. Little did I know that my appointment with him in March, 2008 was to lead to a CT Scan and a bone marrow biopsy. That evening I read a scripture verse from Psalms 51:12 "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me". I would learn months later why that scripture was so important.
So you might ask, what is the point of "The Last 8 Years? No matter where you are in your journey, NEVER get complacent. My advice to you is to truly live each day as if it is your last. Demonstrate love to your spouse, your children, your friends. There are so many precious things that we miss in our busy lives. Step back and take a breath. Write down 2 -3 things every day that are meaningful to you. Those bad moments and days suddenly aren't so bad any more. God was preparing me for what I as to face in 2008.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
My First Diagnosis
Do you ever find yourself "buzzing along" in life? Busy, busy. So many things to do. Family, career, work, church, exercise, etc., etc., etc.
In the year 2000, one summer day, I did what I had been doing for years. That was getting a physical from my doctor. Did it matter that I was turning 50? Didn't seem to, because I felt fine. Suddenly, upon meeting with my doctor, an analysis of my blood counts revealed an abnormality. My white (immune)and red (hemoglobin) counts were low, however I felt fine. After repeated tests, the same issue remained, so I was referred to an Oncologist.
He told me that I should have a bone marrow biopsy. Suddenly, it hit me that something might be wrong. Unfortunately, my intuition was right. On my 50th birthday, I received news that was like getting a "two by four" hit me on the side of the head. My Oncologist proceeded to tell me that the results and analysis of my bone marrow biopsy indicated that I was diagnosed with a condition referred to as MDS (Myelodysplastic Syndrome). Another way to put it is that I had a problem with my bone marrow not producing mature cells (white blood cells, red blood cells and platelets). In the old days it was referred to as pre-leukemia.
Dr. Tsarwhas proceeded to tell me that finding MDS in me (50 is young) was rare and that the medical field did not know what really caused it. He proceeded to tell me that MDS is not genetic and data correlated a probability of exposure to pesticides, benzene or other toxins inherent in our envrionment. There were no known cures except for the possibility of a cure through a stem cell transplant. Furthermore, that eventually (next 2 - 5 years), I would need blood transfusions due to my blood counts projected to fall further. It was unknown at that time how the condition would progress. Yet, bottom line (a financial term that I tend to use :>), I felt great, had no symptoms, and was told that I had this condition that might some day affect me.
This news hit my family hard, but I knew that God was the great physician and had a plan. I just had no idea as to what that plan was. Putting aside the anxiety of not knowing what this meant to my life, my career, my health, God made it clear through prayer and scripture that my primary focus in life was no longer about doing and controlling things myself. I suddenly was thrust into a position that faith in Him was my primary focus. For the first time in my life, I had no control over this diagnosis and prognosis.
I am comforted by God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".
Little did I know about the journey that was ahead of me at that time.
My next blog posting will cover the last 8 years.
Thank you all for your continual prayers.
In the year 2000, one summer day, I did what I had been doing for years. That was getting a physical from my doctor. Did it matter that I was turning 50? Didn't seem to, because I felt fine. Suddenly, upon meeting with my doctor, an analysis of my blood counts revealed an abnormality. My white (immune)and red (hemoglobin) counts were low, however I felt fine. After repeated tests, the same issue remained, so I was referred to an Oncologist.
He told me that I should have a bone marrow biopsy. Suddenly, it hit me that something might be wrong. Unfortunately, my intuition was right. On my 50th birthday, I received news that was like getting a "two by four" hit me on the side of the head. My Oncologist proceeded to tell me that the results and analysis of my bone marrow biopsy indicated that I was diagnosed with a condition referred to as MDS (Myelodysplastic Syndrome). Another way to put it is that I had a problem with my bone marrow not producing mature cells (white blood cells, red blood cells and platelets). In the old days it was referred to as pre-leukemia.
Dr. Tsarwhas proceeded to tell me that finding MDS in me (50 is young) was rare and that the medical field did not know what really caused it. He proceeded to tell me that MDS is not genetic and data correlated a probability of exposure to pesticides, benzene or other toxins inherent in our envrionment. There were no known cures except for the possibility of a cure through a stem cell transplant. Furthermore, that eventually (next 2 - 5 years), I would need blood transfusions due to my blood counts projected to fall further. It was unknown at that time how the condition would progress. Yet, bottom line (a financial term that I tend to use :>), I felt great, had no symptoms, and was told that I had this condition that might some day affect me.
This news hit my family hard, but I knew that God was the great physician and had a plan. I just had no idea as to what that plan was. Putting aside the anxiety of not knowing what this meant to my life, my career, my health, God made it clear through prayer and scripture that my primary focus in life was no longer about doing and controlling things myself. I suddenly was thrust into a position that faith in Him was my primary focus. For the first time in my life, I had no control over this diagnosis and prognosis.
I am comforted by God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".
Little did I know about the journey that was ahead of me at that time.
My next blog posting will cover the last 8 years.
Thank you all for your continual prayers.
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